(2) behind every `success' was a half-dead volunteer whose
name no one could quite remember, and
(3) God so loved the world that God sent a volunteer.
I always thought it was love that made the world go round; but according to the latest survey, it's not love, it's volunteers. It was also discovered that:
(1) for every paid employee there were three volunteers actually doing the job,
(2) behind every `success' was a half-dead volunteer whose
(3) God so loved the world that God sent a volunteer.
The word volunteer comes from two Swahili words: `vol' which means to kill one's self, and `unteer' which means without pay. Anthropologists, in trying to ascertain the first `volunteers,' have thought perhaps they originated when Moses parted the Red Sea. However, others place them in Columbus' time, claiming that old Chris didn't discover America but the abandoned set of an amateur theatre group.
What still baffles authorities on the subject is how person number one convinced person number two that they would want to do the same thing — only for nothing. Some say it was probably the church who came along preaching `money is evil, we'll take it off your hands' — and then gave out the work of God to do (like building fancy churches with big rectories and heated garages).
Wherever and however the origins of volunteers, it is hard to imagine the world without them. Why, doctors would be selling nylons and M&M's in the hospital gift shops; and parishioners would be playing bingo without cards. Their importance is such now that Clairol has come up with a new hair shade called `Volunteer Grey,' and changed their slogan to `If I have but one life, let me live it as a Volunteer'. And, the Book of the Month Club is now sending out (in a very large envelope) someone to read the book to you.
Since the only real qualification to be a volunteer is a listed phone number, and since education and experience are not requirements, the future could find such situations commonplace:
In great demand everywhere, the basic model volunteer can now be customized to suit your group's particular needs:
A parish sodality breakfast volunteer can come with a slot that dispenses pancakes which, with a small adjustment, also flips out slightly greasy bingo cards.
A volunteer fireman in a small community can come equipped with a high-powered hose that can spray water, foam, and buttercream frosting (for the monthly bake sales).
A poppy seller can have six legs and a photographic memory for those people who say "get me on the way out, I don't have any change."
A co-worker selling his kid's Girl Scout cookies, candy, and raffle tickets will have amnesia every time he tries to approach anyone, and will end the day having bought and eaten all his own cookies and candy bars (providing a service both to the organization and his co-worker victims).Yes, volunteers are definitely responsible for most of the kindness that takes place in the name of humanity. It's time to give tribute, for without them it would be difficult to explain the `good news,' much less get it delivered to your door.
Signed/ Barbara Garrison, Volunteer
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