I am filled with hope; on fire with the energy of love. Tell me, please, what now waits on the other side of that door? The door! It's gone! I can no longer see it's outline. Is this to become my forever?
The way out is up.
Oh, no you don't! I will have no more of that nonsense about a heaven up in the sky somewhere. Nothing is there that would be safe for a gentle person. Some things whirl around and explode. Others are sucked into black holes leading to even more vastness. "Up" is nowhere I'd want to be.
The way out is up.
Up where?
Up from the ground you stand on. Up from the shoes you put your feet into. Up from the bed you sleep on. Up from the chair you sit on. Up from the floor you pace back and forth over trying to figure out what will happen to you. You, you you!
I don't understand.
Listen.
I am listening! I've done everything I possibly can — struggled with my faults and shortcomings; tried to be honest with myself and with others; followed the directions from within. I have done it all; there is nothing more!
Then your search must be over.
Stop, I've had enough! Get away from me you confounded nothingness! Yes, there is something more. I never asked to be born, brought into an existence from which there is no escape. I want a say in all of this.
Sometimes as I drift into sleep, the reality of death sweeps over me and I am terrified. At times when I am relaxing in my warm and soothing bath, I am stabbed by the thought of what waits for me at the end of this...this what? This second? The next second? Some future second? Panicked, I leap out of my tub and begin to make plans — big giant plans that will keep me so busy I won't notice death. Or I write deep, mighty words, hoping one of them will explain to me what is unexplainable. I ask everyone I meet: Are you afraid to die? Do you know anything for sure? Have you been given any clues that might help me?
Out of all the brilliant minds that have passed through this plane of existence, not a one knew anything for sure. Still I sit here like a fool, thinking it will be revealed to me.
The answer is within.
Please leave me alone. I am weary, sick of the struggle, there is nothing more I can do.
What then is holding you here?
I can't say it; it's too silly, and too sad.
Speak.
I don't want to die. It's not fair! There is nothing that could possibly make it all right for me to lose the people I love, the moments I cherish, the life I have worked so hard to make worthy. And I have no choice but to live surrounded by forces I cannot stop or control — forces that will one day take all that I am.
Yield when it comes. Surrender.
Willingly? Without a struggle? How can I? This life is all I have.
Learn humility. What you must give back was not yours. In your busy days and anxious nights, hold life above you, apart from you. Know your place and live in profound gratitude for the time you have. Use it wisely in the pursuit of things beyond you. When the moment comes, let go of those near and cup your hands. Fill them with your final breath and take rest for the work of your days will be complete.
The work of my days complete? Wait! The words right here on this page are the work of my days. Have you come for me? Is it my time to go?
It is time for you to let go.