What did I actually accomplish as I sat here each morning before the dawn broke, fevered with the search for truth? Somewhere inside of me, I already knew all the answers. What happened, however, is that I put them down on paper, like a contract, which I then began to honor with my life.
I refused daydreams that did not come from the reality of my life and its people.
I bought nothing I did not need. And I assessed each need carefully, with new guidelines.
I grew more generous. Fought the urge to grab, hoard, and hide. Began giving away my "treasures."
I approached food more reverently. Shopped for things that feed hunger rather than desire. Mindful of the hunger in others, I blessed the tiniest morsel and ate it in gratitude.
I learned to welcome sleep. Grew less afraid of the dark. Prayed for the poor souls within it.
I faced painful moments of the past and did not crumble, but gained wisdom, strength, and compassion.
I let go of the anger carried for most of my life. Uncovered hurts and let them be healed.
I accepted my place and time on this earth. Began the preparation, emotionally, to let go when it is time.
And I focused my life on the only reality there is: this moment.
"What lies beyond?" The answer matters less and less each day as I grow in my capacity and ability to love. Some day I will be gone. If there is nothing more, the memories of my life will be enough to carry me across the threshold and into the endless forever of the question.